I'm All Wrong
by AngelDormais
Summary: Everything I did, everything I'll do, everything I've done. Everything I lied about, I improvised, I pretended. I've tried, but in the end, it just turned out wrong, wrong wrong.


**I own Naruto. And if you believe that, then let me also inform you that I eat tires with milk and strawberries, play a banjo doing jumpingjacks, and invented one-hundred uses for the modern underwear drawer.**

**---**

_If you have to tell yourself it's right...it's wrong._

_---_

It's right.

It's right that I left.

It's right that I betrayed the only place that I felt home, the only place that accepted me with open arms. It's right that I was willing to go that mile, go that extra distance to avenge what has happened thirteen years ago. It's right that I'm an avenger.

It's right, and I did it, and I have no regrets.

I can't _afford_ regrets.

It's right that I pledged my life to that horrible snake, who loves nothing more than treating me like a delicate, beautiful poison...it's right that he will one day suck my life away and inhabit my body, misuse it, mistreat it, use it as a shell, a shield...it's right, if it will help me get to him

But, deep down, I know...

It's _wrong_.

It's _wrong_ that I left.

It's wrong that I betrayed that village, my hopes, my dreams, and my precious friends all in one action. It's wrong that I was willing to give up all of the great things that I had...just so I could avenge what happened so long ago, that this new personality being forced into me doesn't even care about it anymore.

It's wrong, but I did it, and no matter how much I can't afford them, I have regrets.

It was _wrong_ that I pledged myself to that horrible monster, _wrong_ that I let him treat me like his helpless little pet, _wrong _that I gave up so much just to get at _him_.

And truly, now that it's too late, I know that everything I've ever done is just _wrong, wrong, wrong._

---

It's right.

It's right that I'll be helping people.

It's right that I'll be caught up in the never-ending chain of shinobi life, to be wounded, to heal, to battle, to be wounded, to be healed, to battle, to die. It'll be right that I'll be delaying the inevitable and causing more pain than I'll be curing. It'll be right that I'm a healer.

It's right, and I'll do it, and I'll have no regrets.

I don't see any _need_ for regrets.

It's right that I'll spend my entire life staring at wounds...it's right that I signed off my destiny as forever curing the dying warriors so that they may live to die another day...it's right, if it's not for _myself._

But deep down, I know...

It's _wrong_.

It's _wrong_ that I'll be helping people.

It's wrong that I'll be donning a medic-nin's outfit just to don my shame. It's wrong that I won't truly care for my patients, that they'll be another cover-up.

It's wrong, but I'll do it, and even I know that there is room for regret.

It's _wrong_ that I'll spend my entire life doing something that I don't like, _wrong_ that I'll be delaying the inevitable, _wrong_ that I'll forever be covering my faults with healing.

And truly, now that it's too late, I know that everything I'll ever do is just _wrong, wrong, wrong._

---

It's right.

It's right that I pretend.

It's right that I coat myself with smiles and jokes. It's right that I pretend to be something that I just am not. It's right that I ignore every torture, every threat, every promise of my gory and celebrated demise.

It's right, and I do it, and I have no regrets.

I don't _want_ regrets.

It's right that I surround myself with armor and masks...it's right that I'm slowly dying inside, so that my dearest friends don't have to worry about me...it's right that I hide every detail, every aspect, every kick to the side or blow to the chest...it's right, as long as it is for _them_.

But deep down, I know...

It's _wrong._

It's _wrong_ that I pretend.

It's wrong that I'm being somebody that isn't me, just for my friend's sake. It's wrong that I'm suffering alone, when my friends care enough to do something about it. It's wrong that I'm slowly dying, and nobody knows.

It's wrong, but I do it, and not wanting regrets does not mean that they aren't there.

It's _wrong_ that I cry in my room when nobody is around, _wrong_ that I'm all alone when I'm so surrounded, _wrong_ they aren't friends with the real me.

And truly, now that it's too late, I know that everything I do is just _wrong, wrong, wrong._

---

"..._Wrong _that I gave up so much just to get at him."

_"...Wrong_ that I'll forever be covering my faults with healing."

"..._Wrong_ they aren't friends with the real me."

He is still my student.

She is still my cherry blossom.

He is still my friend.

Did I never tell them? I was so caught up in the bliss of finally loving. Have I lost everything _again_?

It seems that everything I taught them and everything I failed to teach them means nothing now.

I don't know what happened...but somewhere along the path, I just went _wrong, wrong, wrong._


End file.
